You Can't Get There From Here: Pathways to Emotional Intimacy in Relationship
/
By: Lisa Blair
People seeking relationship help come to therapy thinking one of three things: (1) they think they are doing something wrong or feel they need to work on their personal issues, (2) they voice complaints about their partner’s attitudes or behaviors, saying that their partner does too much of one thing or not enough of something else, or (3) they are self-critical and want help to be a “better partner.”[1] These ways of thinking stem from what I call the “identify-the-problem-and-fix-it” mentality.
Read MoreThe Dance of Diversity in Relationship
/
By: Lisa Blair
Diversity is a normal part of life and ought to be celebrated. Not just in nature, culture, and the world, but inside ourselves and in our relationships.
There are countless ways in which diversity lives in our relationships: skin color, ethnic heritage, religious beliefs, cultural norms, and customs; socio-economic backgrounds, physical abilities, health issues, and immune systems.
Read MoreAre We There Yet? Reimagine Emotional Intimacy as a Process
/
By: Lisa Blair
Have you been feeling emotionally distant from your partner? Would you like to bridge that gap? Or are you at your wits’ end and ready to throw in the towel?
Don’t give up before reading this post.
You may be asking, “Why are we so bad at this? We screwed up again. When are we going to get it right?” It’s not you; we’ve all been misled about how romantic relationships should work especially when it comes to emotional intimacy.
Read MoreWho Are You Really? The Roles We Play in Relationship
/
By: Lisa Blair
When you reflect on your intimate love relationship in your mind’s eye, do you see yourself feeling and behaving like your true authentic self or do you see yourself acting as if in a role? Can you even tell the difference between the two?
In my previous post “Stop Trying to Be a "Good" Partner and Start Being Yourself,” I explored how trying to be a good partner means we’re playing the role of the good partner rather than being our true self. I’m defining “playing a role” to mean following a set of principles or expectations that serve a momentary function within a relationship.
Read MoreStop Trying to Be a “Good” Partner and Start Being Yourself
/
By: Lisa Blair
Here’s my first piece of advice when it comes to cultivating emotional intimacy in your relationship.
Stop trying to be such a good partner! Yup, you heard me. Just stop.
Why? The opposite of being a “good” partner is being you. But we’ll get to more of that in a moment.
Telling you to stop trying to be a “good” partner does not mean that I’m telling you to be a bad partner. I do not condone any form of abuse, cruelty, or mistreatment. There are serious dangers in the world of relationship.
Read MoreA Story About Emotional Intimacy, Trust, and Going All In
/
By: Lisa Blair
I was talking with a female friend recently who just entered into a new relationship with a man. How they met each other was unplanned but happened at a very special, fortuitous event. They are both basking in the afterglow of this chance encounter and deep connection. Since then, they have already declared to one another that emotional intimacy and honesty are very important to them and that they want this with each other. Of this, they are in agreement. However, my friend notices she is questioning herself about whether or not she should now commit to him completely or "go all in," as she puts it.
Read MoreThat's the Thing about Love: My Personal Awakening to Emotional Intimacy
/
By : Lisa Blair
It’s spring 2009 in Portland, Oregon. My partner, David, and I are nestled close under the covers with a laptop on our shared lap. It’s pitch black in our room except for the light pulsating from the screen.
We are wondering aloud to each other what Stephen and Ondrea Levine, master meditation teachers, are up to these days. We realize we haven’t heard anything about them for several years.
Read More
